(no subject)

[gala_apples]

today's been a bad day. mostly because i went to bed at 8 last night, and woke up at 6 today, and my dad's sleeping downstairs because he's really sick, so i couldn't go on the computer so i was stuck sitting listening to my ipod thinking of a major issue of mine for over an hour. but i vented a bit in a doc about it, so i've managed to stuff it back into the back of my mind again.

but part of relates to how different things are now from high school, and how much i want high school back. dear god, do i want high school back. and i'm fucking terrified, because in april i graduate from being a college student and still being close enough to a teenager, to a full adult with a job and responsibilities. vince and the rest of the world seem to be doing alright. but holy crap i'm not ready to be an adult.

last year i switched to the three year program for legitimate mental health reasons. but thinking about it now, that if i hadn't i'd already have been working for nearly a year also scares me. i'm so happy now that i switched to have another year of teenager-hood. i keep thinking that if i fail a course, i can go back and do it next year. but that leaves me in a LOT of debt, and with everyone disspointed in me. so i have to graduate in april. i have 4 months left of being a teenager, and it's too short. i'm not ready yet.

Comments

it's not the end.

[insomniacjunkie.livejournal.com]

just because you're graduating from college soon doesn't mean you have to suddenly be thrust into adulthood. you have to be able to pull to be responsible as an adult in your working life and still be able to let loose and relax and do w/e with your friends in your personal life.

you are thinking the fun part of your life is over. please don't think this way. it's poisonous. once you begin believing that you are an adult and pretend to play these adult "games" like the monday to friday grind, you start to become one. i don't mean you shouldn't take it seriously, your job, but you shouldn't think your teenager-hood is entirely over. i mean in terms of time frame, yes, it is very much done; but in terms of your state of mind and what you do in your time, you are very much free to act and be whomever you'd like to be.

think of it this way, there are something like 168 hours in a week. out of those 168 hours in a week, you need to be at work for 40 of them. the rest of the time you can do whatever you'd like. in fact you have more time than you did as a teenager. as a teenager you had homework and extra-curricular activities that followed you home, in addition to having to be there from 8 to 4. adding that up school and school-related stuff consumed probably 50 - 60 hours on average of your week. but now, what happens at work stays at work, and once you're home the problems of the day are completely gone.

sure, at first the job will be tough, and you will have to do lots of work... but as time progresses you will get better at your job. it's human nature. and as you get better at your job it becomes easier to the point of being something you can do in your subconscious.

so please look forward to being finished school and having a lot of time to do what you want. just learn to maintain the balance between partying and working. start slow. maybe eventually you can function at work on only a few hours sleep after being over here for the night. =)

vince and i aren't going to grow up anytime soon ;P

Re: it's not the end.

[gala-apples.livejournal.com]

you have this wonderful way of logic-ing me out of a funk. i mean vince is hugs and you'll be okay and i love you. and i'm not saying that you don't love me, because by this point i'd say the three of us love each other like family. but while vince is more emotional/suppressional (which isn't a word, but i mean it as if it's bad lets not think about it) you're very ATTACK THE PROBLEM WITH LOGIC and explain to the problem why it's bullshit. it's very nice.

i like the numbers approach. it's a good point, that though it seems like a huge chunk, it's actually not that much. and sure it's all day, but at this point in our lives, me and you and rachel and vince don't function during the day. even if i had all day off, we wouldn't be using it to hang out anyway, so what's it matter?

what i notice between ece's that have been around a year, and the ones that have been around 20, are that they know how to relax and let things go. so at first i'll feel the need to impress, but as time goes by, i can chill a bit. and really, at my salary, i don't feel like i need to be a shining star every day. one off day won't kill the children if i stay up all night drinking and feel like crap in the morning.

also, i didn't know you had a journal! i'd friend it, but if you've had it for a year and haven't friended me, then you clearly want privacy :)