selling your soul.
Jan. 19th, 2008 11:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gala_applesi just picked up a collaberation book between my favourite author and once again, he's saying things i don't at first agree with, but once i sit back and think for a second, if not being The Truth, the holy god's truth, they're certainly still the truth, wholey and fully.
i can't remember the first time he shocked me. i know in the second book of his i ever wrote, it was written from the point of view of a prostitute. now, my father had been reading me criminal profiling books for bedtime since i was six, and i had long gotten past the intellectual concept of prostitutes are just people. they can be murdered like everyone else, everything that can be murdered is human. (a bit of a twist on the tolerance and multiculturalism spectrum, but still there) it doesn't seem fair that no one is trying to solve their murders, but then, there are a lot of people that don't get their cases solved.
but when i read this book when i was fourteen, there was a shift. it was subtle, just changing from these hookers are people from these people hook johns. the mere reversal of words, but such a change in concept.
and in the third book i read, had people smoking pot. and they weren't evil child molesting terrorists that kill puppies! people that smoked pot weren't despicable less then human people. i was shocked at the potrayal, and strongly disagreed, as the canadian version of DARE clearly explained that smoking pot was more evil then killing your parents. but the concept worked it's way into my head, and along with a few other circumstances, changed my life.
i could continue to detail how every book shifted my perceptions, but he's written many books, and i don't have that kind of time. but the book i bought a hour and a half ago, it had a very interesting quote, that got my back arched like a bitchy cat.
recently i've noticed that when i act like that, it's a socially constructed belief he's offending, not a personally devised one. if he was to say something negative about homosexuallity, i'd just roll my eyes and read on, because my personally devised beliefs are too strong to tamper with. but if i react like someone shoved a stick up my arse, it's because i've been indoctrinated by tv and society to believe something, and to hear him say it's not true automatically irritates.
and since i've realised that, i've tried to step back from whatever situation and not start argueing until i think of reasons they might be right. so when i read this, i put the book down and thought about it. and after actually thinking, i think he might be right.
(is describing a well groomed, pleasant, kind man)... i wondered what he had sold his soul for. i hoped it was worth the price.
that implies everyone, even the most wholesome of people, have sold their soul for something. socially constructed belief being only bad people "sell their soul" or give up something important, and integral to who they are, for something else.
but thinking about that, it's wrong. i can't think of a single person i know, who hasn't given up something they believe in to get something they want. i can even pinpoint the exact point where i did.
when i was in the process of getting a different group of friends, and in the process of getting drugged up by my doctor so i wouldn't kill myself, jess wanted me to skip class with her. my first real skipping of class. i had before, they were always to do homework for another class that i had left too late. her skipping was to smoke ciggarettes and play cards in the caf. i turned from a responsible student to a slacker that day, so i could have a friend that actually cared about me, as compared to fair-weather friends.
of course, i can justify it. me trying to commit suicide was a two fold thing, partly because i had fairweather friends, and i knew i could never count on them, and i'd always be alone. partly because i was a 95% A+ student, and i was failing grade 10 science, and it was a mandatory course, so if i failed it, i'd have to do it again, and i'd rather kill myself then repeat it, because i hated it so much. when i had my mental breakdown and professional intervention, i ended up getting a passing mark when the situation was explained to my teacher. but i started second semester unsatisfied with my friends, and hating school because i had to be perfect but i couldn't be.
so to be in a situation where i'd get real actually caring friends, but only if i stop caring about schoolwork, well, it was a major turning point. so i sold my A+ perfect student soul, my core belief that life wasn't worth living if you weren't 100% perfect, to gain a friend.
i think everyone has sold their soul for something. i'm not talking bart simpson selling his soul to milhouse for 5 bucks, the realising it's importance because he can't row a boat in his dreams. i'm talking about trading a important core belief for a completely new experience you've always been yearning for. in my case, looking back at these five years, it has been worth the price. for some people it may have backfired, and now that their beliefs are gone, they don't know who they are anymore.
what did you sell your soul for?
i can't remember the first time he shocked me. i know in the second book of his i ever wrote, it was written from the point of view of a prostitute. now, my father had been reading me criminal profiling books for bedtime since i was six, and i had long gotten past the intellectual concept of prostitutes are just people. they can be murdered like everyone else, everything that can be murdered is human. (a bit of a twist on the tolerance and multiculturalism spectrum, but still there) it doesn't seem fair that no one is trying to solve their murders, but then, there are a lot of people that don't get their cases solved.
but when i read this book when i was fourteen, there was a shift. it was subtle, just changing from these hookers are people from these people hook johns. the mere reversal of words, but such a change in concept.
and in the third book i read, had people smoking pot. and they weren't evil child molesting terrorists that kill puppies! people that smoked pot weren't despicable less then human people. i was shocked at the potrayal, and strongly disagreed, as the canadian version of DARE clearly explained that smoking pot was more evil then killing your parents. but the concept worked it's way into my head, and along with a few other circumstances, changed my life.
i could continue to detail how every book shifted my perceptions, but he's written many books, and i don't have that kind of time. but the book i bought a hour and a half ago, it had a very interesting quote, that got my back arched like a bitchy cat.
recently i've noticed that when i act like that, it's a socially constructed belief he's offending, not a personally devised one. if he was to say something negative about homosexuallity, i'd just roll my eyes and read on, because my personally devised beliefs are too strong to tamper with. but if i react like someone shoved a stick up my arse, it's because i've been indoctrinated by tv and society to believe something, and to hear him say it's not true automatically irritates.
and since i've realised that, i've tried to step back from whatever situation and not start argueing until i think of reasons they might be right. so when i read this, i put the book down and thought about it. and after actually thinking, i think he might be right.
(is describing a well groomed, pleasant, kind man)... i wondered what he had sold his soul for. i hoped it was worth the price.
that implies everyone, even the most wholesome of people, have sold their soul for something. socially constructed belief being only bad people "sell their soul" or give up something important, and integral to who they are, for something else.
but thinking about that, it's wrong. i can't think of a single person i know, who hasn't given up something they believe in to get something they want. i can even pinpoint the exact point where i did.
when i was in the process of getting a different group of friends, and in the process of getting drugged up by my doctor so i wouldn't kill myself, jess wanted me to skip class with her. my first real skipping of class. i had before, they were always to do homework for another class that i had left too late. her skipping was to smoke ciggarettes and play cards in the caf. i turned from a responsible student to a slacker that day, so i could have a friend that actually cared about me, as compared to fair-weather friends.
of course, i can justify it. me trying to commit suicide was a two fold thing, partly because i had fairweather friends, and i knew i could never count on them, and i'd always be alone. partly because i was a 95% A+ student, and i was failing grade 10 science, and it was a mandatory course, so if i failed it, i'd have to do it again, and i'd rather kill myself then repeat it, because i hated it so much. when i had my mental breakdown and professional intervention, i ended up getting a passing mark when the situation was explained to my teacher. but i started second semester unsatisfied with my friends, and hating school because i had to be perfect but i couldn't be.
so to be in a situation where i'd get real actually caring friends, but only if i stop caring about schoolwork, well, it was a major turning point. so i sold my A+ perfect student soul, my core belief that life wasn't worth living if you weren't 100% perfect, to gain a friend.
i think everyone has sold their soul for something. i'm not talking bart simpson selling his soul to milhouse for 5 bucks, the realising it's importance because he can't row a boat in his dreams. i'm talking about trading a important core belief for a completely new experience you've always been yearning for. in my case, looking back at these five years, it has been worth the price. for some people it may have backfired, and now that their beliefs are gone, they don't know who they are anymore.
what did you sell your soul for?